Piece By Piece

First of all must go, your scent upon my pillow and then I'll say goodbye to your whispers in my dreams. And then our lips will part in my mind and in my heart, cause your kiss went deeper than my skin.

Piece by piece is how I'll let go of you, kiss by kiss will leave my mind one at a time, one at a time.

First of all must fly, my dreams of you and I, there's no point of holding on to those and then our ties will break, for your and my own sake, just remember, this is what you chose.

Piece by piece is how I'll let go of you, kiss by kiss will leave my mind one at a time, one at a time.

I'll shed like skin. our memories of lazy days, and fade away the shadow of your face.

Piece by piece is how I'll let go of you, kiss by kiss will leave my mind one at a time, one at a time.

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Duplicity or being duplicitous is part of human nature. People are innately liars. Lying is an instinct. Honesty is the best policy, but man, is it a hard one to follow.

With all these lies being thrown around all the time, its hard to figure out who you can trust. Who is lying to me? It's confusing to sort through the lies and find the core of it, the golden, shining truth.

Recently, I've been having a great deal of trouble trusting people. I think to myself, "The only thing true you said to me all day was the Good Morning. Every word after that was a lie."

Is my paranoia warranted or is it because I know I am a big fat lair that I assume all people are the same?

Wash Away

Wash away with the morning dew.

Like it was a bad dream, like it was never true.

Walk away from me, as I walk away from you.

How can this be, where are you going, thought I would do.

Seems like yesterday that I just met you.

But now I know that I was never enough for you.

Go Away Lady Gaga

Am I the only one who is exhausted by Lady Gaga?

This past weekend I had the displeasure of watching her MTV intimate interview and I was disgusted by the whole thing. Firstly, it was an intimate interview and she was dressed up like a freakshow ( see image on the right). She looks crazy. She should be on RuPauls dragrace she'd win.

Secondly, it was her whining about how hard her life is and how she is her parents legacy. Wow your life is so hard Lady Gaga, you grew up in NYC and went to the Tisch School at NYU, then dropped out and your dad paid your rent while you "found" yourself. Wow such a hard life. People made fun of you in school for being, dare I say it, different. I cant even imagine what that must've been like, being white and Italian in American soooo different.

The thing is, I get it, she is talented, I am not refuting that at all. But I hate this focus on her constantly like she is the Messiah. There is nothing different or unique about her. She is no different than Madonna or Britney Spears - they were all controversial in their glory days. The only thing "different" about her is how annoying she is. I hate that she pretends to be so goddamn weird all the time. Like take a day off Gaga - don't have to act like a complete freakshow 24/7. I cant even imagine what her skin must look like underneath all that makeup.

We all need to take a step back from this chick and just let her be. Her parents need to examine her cry for help. I can't stand that people refer to her as a "movement," you know what was a movement, Womens Suffrage - Lady Gaga is not a movement. Also, why does she call her fans "little monsters," what is that about? Why would anyone want to be called a "little monster" if I was a monster Id like to be the biggest baddest monster not a little one. Who does she think she is? Someone needs to bring her back down to earth. Her and Gwyneth Paltrow one in the same, pretentious white chicks with too much money and time.

I think I am too considerate. For whatever reason I think about other peoples feelings a lot. This is my biggest downfall.

The Prosecution Rests

It was a Sunday morning when I walked into my own intervention. My parents sat solemnly in our tacky living room, with the unnecessary presence of my sister, waiting for me to walk in from my ten hour slumber. I tried to make myself look presentable for this awkward situation, but my blue monkey pajamas paired with my favorite X Files t shirt just didn't do me justice. I was a poorly dressed lawyer with unevenly cut bangs- defending my innocent crime. My parents were the unruly prosecution and my eight year old sister was the judge. This must have been in some eighteenth century British court before a fair, jury trial was invented, but I had to make the best of the situation. Sure, I had been doing poorly in school, and maybe my attitude was less than pleasant, but my life, as I saw it, was just plain hard. It wasn't my fault that I hated Chemistry or the that the teacher was bombarding me with exams. Had they even talked to my English teacher? I was amazing in that class. The prosecution responded with their biased opinion calling the English language a waste of time, but the judge was too busy painting her stuffed animal's nails to overrule. Clearly I would never get through to them with simple logic. I would have to build a more clever defense; I would play to their emotions. It really wasn't my fault at all because I was just a fifteen year old girl. I spent the majority of my time at home alone because all my parents do is work and how would they even know if I studied? I'm asleep by the time they get home. Then, with a hint of sadness in my voice I slowly dug deeper into the prosecutions' hearts. Maybe, just maybe if I could be more like my perfect brother I would make my parents happy. I'd promise to be just like him from now on. The room was silent and the judge looked up from her green puppy dog with hot pink nails. That was it, I had them. My dad was about to say something and I contemplated pleading insanity because I had spent every waking moment with an eight year old whose only friends were helpless stuffed animals, but nothing came out of his mouth. It was over, I had won my first court case and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.

Delayed Devotion

When I drop you boy
You'll need another toy
One that wont stand up for herself
When I knock you down
You'll need another town
where somebodys gonna talk to you,
You just let me wait now its too late
For your delayed delayed devotion

#Liar #Liar

There was once a girl who lied, a lot. it was a habit she picked up when she was rather young. Her first lie was to her grandmother, she was nine. She told her grandmother a sad story about a painting that hung in the family room. She had spun a tale so full of misery that her grandmother began to cry. That was the moment, that's when she knew she had a gift. The gift of fib. No one told her it wasn't okay. Later when her grandmother retold that story to the girls mother the whole family just chuckled about it. They all said, "What a imagine you have." What a imagine she had indeed. So she continued lying. Every word was a lie. She lied about everything. Soon she was a young woman and she no longer could separate her life from the beautiful lie she had told. But she didn't care. It didn't matter, she preferred the lie...

Newer and Better

I saw this hilarious Best Buy commercial the other day,




Did you see this one? It's where people are buying the latest phone or computer only to be disappointed when seconds later a newer version releases. This is exactly how I feel, everyday of my life. I've been known to keep up with the latest trends in technology, because I love being the kid who has the newest coolest toys. Unfortunately, now that I am no longer living in the nest I have to rely on my own personal income to purchase these items. Here is where the problem arises, because I no longer have an endless pool of cash to go to buying these new toys requires me to save up for them. For example, I only recently purchased an iPad. I was so happy. I had saved and saved and saved and finally had enough to buy an iPad and then a week later the iPad two was announced. WTF!?!?! I can't catch a break!

Who are these people with this ridiculous amount of disposable income that can purchase these goodies as soon as they are released? Frankly if you have this much money just sitting around you should probably put it toward a better cause than an iPad..

Internet Etiquette

I've been meaning to write this entry for a while now but I haven't been able to pin down the exact rules to how people should interact on the internet. I think I have a few of the rules down so I'll share them with you, but remember just like internet and technology in general these rules can and most probably will change with the next new thing.

Ok for starters Email Etiquette,

Email has revolutionized the way people interact with each other. Gone are the days of the letter and postage. Now we can immediately reach out to someone just by clicking send. But with great power comes great responsibility -

In your professional life chances are you will use email a lot. It's the fastest and easiest way to communicate with your colleagues and clients. What people need to remember is that most Americans who work in a corporate environment are out of work by 6:30 PM - 7 PM and sending them an email after that is useless. Would you call a professional contact at 4 am? No. Then why is it ok to email them? Unless it is something super urgent - emailing after 10 PM is inappropriate. If you really need that person to see your email FIRST thing in the morning then write the email and set a timer so that it will send at 8 AM, yes you can do that. Some people think that sending an email at a bizarre hour of the night is ok because the person won't see it until they get to work. To those people I ask, are you stupid? Everyone has a smartphone. Everyone. My blackberry buzzes and lights up every time I get an email, I'll see your email at 4 am and think, what a jerk - this person has no respect for me or my time.

Bosses of the world - don't email your employees at 4 am. They'll hate you.

Long emails are just the same as getting a homework assignment. I am not in grade school anymore and if you want to get my attention - DO NOT send me a long email. Sending long emails is unnecessary there is nothing that cannot be summed up in 6 sentences. If you need to convey something that is longer than 6 sentences - PICK UP THE PHONE.

Email signatures are a way of giving more information about yourself so that people can see your title and contact info. They are not an opportunity for you to unleash your artistic passion. DO NOT make your email signature colorful. If your company requires you to use only green or grey in your signature then do it but do not make every line a different color. The only thing a colorful signature shows about you is that you are loser who has nothing better to do with your time. Additionally don't have a tediously long email signature. Your signature should consist of - Your Name, Your Title, Your #, Email, Your Company Name and website. Don't add stupid additional facts, no one cares. Don't add quotes to the bottom of your email. It doesn't inspire anyone.

Ok that is all I have so far for Email Etiquette . Next time I'll add Social Media Etiquette. I leave you with this. Calling All College Students - TAKE DOWN YOUR STUPID DRINKING PICTURES.

CIAO

Your one and only

So you've found her. The one. Your one and only.
Congratulations to you and your happiness.
Hope she's everything that I never was for you, to you.
Can't say that I wish you the best.
Because it was never over for me.

Comparitive

He doesn't realize how lucky he is, he has no idea how much I envy him, he is the smartest and brightest individual I've ever met. His capacity for knowledge and learning is astounding. It bewilders me, we are related, we share DNA and yet I will never be as intelligent. I will never know how it feels to be considered "smart."

We both went to college, he went to an illustrious private university, he was showered with academic grants and stayed in the prestigious scholars dorm surrounded by other academically superior kids.

I went to state college, no academic grants and no scholars dorm for me. I was a regular student, nothing special, just satisfactory.

We both graduated in 4 years, he was Summa Cum Laude and I wasn't. He went to Medical school soon after graduation, I didn't. He was smart enough to get into a American medical school. I was laid off from my first job. He got accepted into the M.D/MBA program. I spent 11 months on my parents couch looking for work.

Do you see what I am doing here? I am trying to paint you a picture of the reality of my life in comparison to my older brother.

My Love Does Cost A Thing

The song, "Love Don't Cost A Thing" did a grave disservice to women. Specifically women who were teenagers around the time of its release. It made us believe that money is not an important part of a relationship, "even if you were broke, my love don't cost a thing."

I remember singing the song at the top of my lungs sitting in my best friends silver Hyundai Elantra. I remember thinking JLo's words were the gospel truth. I couldn't wait to meet a man and love him with our without the bling.

That was then, this is now, after following Jen's advice I have learned something incredibly important, my love does in fact cost a thing, it cost a lot of things. And if you are broke then don't waste my time. I don't think this makes me a money hungry gold digger, bc I don't date men solely for financial gains. I like to date guys who are at the same caliber as I am and can afford me. I am not into struggling artists who think that going to subway is a good first date.

I expect to be wined and dined and in return I will do those things for you. We should be able to match each others expectations. I am not into the flowery whimsical notion of love, love can't survive solely on love - so much more is involved.

So Jen, I am sorry, Money is absolutely integral in relationships.

Let's never get married

I read this article today, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

Basically, it summarizes why women are single into 6 reasons. Yeah, 6 simple reasons why YOU aren't married, you loser.

my issue with this article is simple - Who asked you Tracy McMillan? Like, who are you? How can you claim that you are an expert on this topic? She say's she's been married 3 times. Wow, so if you are married more than once you are automatically an expert Ok well, lets hear what you have Tracy -

Reasons why you aren't married. Reason #1. You're a Bitch. - ha! I swear, if I hear this one more time. Just because I am not married I am a bitch. Duh! What other reason can there be. "Most men want to marry someone who is nice to them." Well, that seems easy enough, I can be nice. I can really nice. How about you, men of the world, stop being such arrogant dbags. Can you do that? Can you appreciate me? Can you not cheat on me? Can you send me flowers on Valentines day? Can you not take advantage of me? Probably not. You know what happens to nice women Tracy McMillan? They get shit on, they get shit on by the whole world. So excuse me for not being nice.

Reason #2 You're shallow. Yes, I am shallow. You know why - because I worked really damn hard to get where I am. I go to the gym. I work out with a trainer, I spend millions of dollars on clothes that accentuate my figure, I get my hair done, I get my nails done, I wax everything, everything. So sorry if I wont accept every loser who wants to grab at my goods. Fuck yeah, I am going to be shallow. AND DON'T tell me that men aren't shallow. Men are shallow as fuck.

Reason #3 You're a slut - Really? Really? I am not gonna go there.

Reason #4 You're a liar - Don't judge me Tracy. Everybody lies.

Reason #5 You're selfish . My issue with this is my issue with #2 - It's my life, my money, I will be as selfish as I please. I am not ready to make sacrifices. I want the fucking moon. Listen women of the world, don't sacrifice a thing. Just don't do it.

Reason #6 You're not good enough, I am not sure what she means here. Are you referring to yourself Tracy? Bc I am better than good, I am fucking awesome. Here is the thing, just bc you don't want to marry that loser who doesn't have a job or future doesn't mean that you are not good enough. Like seriously, I am not going to settle. I think that makes me SMART AS HELL. Do you think that I wanna get married so fucking bad that I am gonna marry the bartender and spend my whole life supporting him, being nice to him, sleeping with him, doing his laundry, cooking him dinner, picking up his socks from the floor bc he is a mess (all men are), and dealing with all his bullshit.

Frankly, if he cant even buy me the diamond I want (4 carats), why should I bother ? I am not being shallow, I am being real. This is real talk, its 2011, I don't need to get married - I am not interested in doing twice the fucking laundry for some loser.

So Tracy thanks but no thanks.

Almost Valentines Day

It's almost Valentines day.

The first time I had a real Valentine was when I was a freshmen in college. He was this guy, that I really really loved but for whatever reason we were playing the friend game. He sent me tons of flowers and a Shakespeare sonnet telegram I think.. I cant remember. It was so romantic and I was the envy of all the girls in my hall. I felt so special.

My 2nd Valentine was when I was a junior in college. We had been dating for a little over a month. We went to go see the Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore movie...Music and Lyrics I think it was called. Then I think we had dinner at some Italian restaurant, the details escape me. Overall, I think it was a good night.

My 3rd Valentine was with the same guy I shared my 2nd Valentine with, all I remember was that he bought me a Wii - it was a good Valentines day. I played Wii golf for months.

My 4th Valentines day I was alone. I cried most of the day then drank bubble tea and watched Lord Of The Rings.

My 5th Valentines day - well, that is on Monday and I'll let you know how it goes.

All these Valentines day stories surprise me because in all of them I was a spectator - all these things were happening to me. I didn't do much of anything, except for my 5th Valentine where I cried all day. I am not romantic, I love romance but I am not romantic. Are women supposed to be romantic? I've always thought that that's the guys job. All I have to do is show up in a sexy dress and you mister, are supposed to handle the rest of the evening.

Sipping Kool Aid

Like most Americans I did it, I went to college. Can I say like most Americans? Do most Americans go to college? Whatever, in my world they do. So like most Americans I went to college. I did it, I paid a ridiculous amount to learn things . I went to controlled environment far away from the nest to take a stab at individuality, growth and freedom. I can't say how much I learned and how it important it really is .. But all in all, I can attest that I did well. I did well in college. I studied and wrote papers and did readings. I have a plethora of over highlighted textbooks to prove it.

So here I am, almost three years later and I can safely say that I am not where I wanted to be. I am definitely NOT where I thought I'd be. A lot of this is because college does a terrible job managing expectations. At my commencement speech the speaker told us anecdotes of graduates before us being the new leaders of this country. He told us that we are the world. We are the future. We will shape tomorrow. We can do whatever we wish. Nothing is in our way. What A PIECE OF BULLSHIT. No one told me that when I graduated six months later, Id be laid off. Not because I lack talent (bc, I dont) but because the economy would collapse into the toilet. No one told me I'd be scrambling looking for a job as my six month grace period to all my student loans would end and that they would deny me unemployment deferment. So I'd be stuck paying tons of money in interest. No one told me that I'd lose my health insurance because once you turn 23 poof its gone, like it was never there ( I know, Obama did bring it back but I already have health insurance now, too little too late OB).

So basically NO ONE told me these things.

What I am saying now, the whole point of this entry really was that I am 24 years old, have a job, have health insurance, pay my bills BUT I feel unfulfilled - you know why? Because College did a terrible job at managing my expectations of what the future would be like. I thought I'd be a dot com millionaire by now, Id be sipping Kool Aid with Mark Zuck by now. I thought these things would happen. I thought my parents my would be proud by now. But here I am 24, unfulfilled.

SUPER DUPER Bowl

so I am not a big football fan, I've tried to be but football isn't a sport that particular tickles my fancy. I do, however, enjoy the SUPER BOWL - for a few reason, firstly, I mean its called the SUPER BOWL - the word "super" conveys some degree of awesomeness that I would like to partake in.. Secondly, I enjoy the parties, the food - I think any excuse to veg out in front of the t.v with friends and beer is fantastic! and finally, because of the Ad's, I find it comforting that brands spend millions of dollars to get my attention for 30 secs. Makes me feel powerful. ROAR, I am a consumer hear me ROAR.

This years I thought the Ad's were LAME. Especially the car Ad's, none of them made me want to buy a Chevy. I mean, c'mon car companies, you have millions of dollars make a funny Ad. Secondly, I did not enjoy any of the Dorito's Ads which is said bc they usually do such a good job.

The only Ad that I LOVED was the Sketchers one with Kim K.

Yes, I agree it was a little risky business but isn't that the point? You just paid 100 million dollars for 10 seconds on T.V what are you gonna do? My first answer would be, get Kim in a tight outfit here ASAP. I thought it was witty they way it insinuated indecent things. I don't think I'll buy sketchers because of it, but it made me chuckle and I'll probably post it on my facebook page and share it on twitter and it'll probably be going viral soon enough. Which is what a brand wants. Now when people see sketchers they'll associated them with sweaty sexy Kim K. and that is a good label to have.

k, the end ciao

memories made in the coldest winter

You are not it, even though, I tried desperately to make you him. You are not him, you are nothing.

Happily Ever After...

I have tried desperately to make this blog about bigger things. To talk about the world, politics, homelessness, taxation without representation but I stay steady and strong for a few days and then my attention shifts to the same old issues...matters of the heart.

Here I am again losing sleep over a boy. It seems like a constant theme in my life..boys..and how they did me wrong. As I tossed and turned playing back my most recent relationship in my head I couldn't help but wonder, when will this stop? When will this end?

I used to think that when I found him, the one and we lived happily ever after all this would end. It would have to, thats part of the deal, the term "happily ever after," makes that claim. But now I have come to realize that there is no happily ever after, its a myth, its like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. It doesn't exist!

As long as you are breathing and are interested in having an intimate relationship with another person you can kiss your beauty sleep good bye. As long as you make someone a priority in your life, as long as you claim to love someone (other than your mother - actually, even your mother), as long as you let someone else effect you...you simply cannot have peace.

So what do you do? Should I be a hermit? Should I find a cabin in the woods and spend the rest of my days there ? God, I wish I knew the answer.