I can't help but feeling that we've failed our girls. As parents, peers and mentors we've failed them. This revelation comes to me in light of recent events, the Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic abuse story. Earlier this week the LAPD leaked the pictures taken of Rihanna right after the dispute. I won't post the pictures out of respect for Rihanna but I can assure you that they are simply horrifying. I know, the first question people will have is, How could Chris Brown do this?
But, my question is, How could we let this happen? Us, as a culture? How could we let this happen?
Now, Rihanna is arguably one of the most popular figurs in mainstream American Pop culture right now. She is a role model to millions of little girls. How could this happen to such a powerful woman?
I don't believe that there weren't any warning signs. I can't believe that he just snapped and randomly did that to her. There had to be signs.
We as American's don't protect our daughters anymore like we use to. Instead we raise insecure, and self conscious girls. We promise them autonomy, but their freedom is laced with peril. I know we as a society dislike the ideals of the Victorian Era, but during those times, people nurtured and protected girls.
According to Tufts University psychologist David Elkind, "Our current postmodern style of family nurturance pays little deference to the old ideal of protecting children from life's vicissitudes or adult knowledge. Today's "harried parents" expect their "hurried children" to be autnomous, competent, and sophisticated by the time they are adolsescents."
At the age of 16, adolescents are not adults, they are still children. We don't effectively comba against teen angst. We are so busy with our schedules that we give in. Children need rules, yes they are going to break them but then you make better rules and punish them for breaking those rules.
Rihanna is not my only example. Lets review, Britney Spears. I love Britney for all that she has overcome but she grew up all to quickly and the world watched her downwhirl spiral. Jamie Lynn Spears, confused pregnancy at 16, thats a child raising a child. Lindsey Lohan. The girl from High School Musical, whose naked pictures ended up online.
We do not teach our girls how to feel good about themselves. Instead we let them learn from mainstream media, which is the worse example. We let our girls believe that in order to feel pretty they must be a ridiculously small size, have big boobs, big butts, and dress slutty. We do nothing to nurture them from the inside, we let them wear make up at 13 yrs old to make the look pretty on the inside.
Girls who do not feel good about themselves need affirmation from others, and that need, unfortunately, almost always empowers male desires. In other words, girls who hate their bodies do not make good decisions about partners, or about the kind of sexual activity that is in their best interest. Because they want to be wanted so much , they are susceptible to manipulation, to flattery even to abuse.
We need to make an investment in all American girls, not just our own daughters...
2 comments:
i'm not sure i agree that "protecting" is the right approach either. children, or rather adults, who were sheltered as children, tend not to be the most eligible specimen in society. lol. i mean to say, they're not anymore capable of dealing with the world than these children who are thrown too abruptly into the cruelty of society.
also, might I remind you that during the Victorian era, girls were protected in the same way that properties and prized material possessions are protected, so as to procure their pristine conditions [read: their virginity] so they can be later used as bargaining chips in marriages.
i'm just saying. but i agree that society have, in some ways, failed our girls.
We've failed our boys too, by raising them not to respect girls.
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